A Day in Guy Mansion
by Destroyer Uv Nations
Summary: Random poop


"A little to the left," Mai says, sounding rather bored.

John and Lin follow the directions without question. Which is a mistake. They crash into a wall and nearly drop the Christmas tree, which they are trying to remove from the house. Despite the struggles caused by Mai's advice, they continue to follow her mutters of "Go left" until they are wedged into a corner.

"I'm sorry, I can't hear over the pine needles clogging my ears," John says. "Did you say left?"

"Yes," Mai mutters so they can barely hear her.

Lin drops the tree, which crashes to the ground, showing that she'd been doing all the work. She gets in Mai's face and yells, "What are you trying to do? That's nowhere near the door!"

Mai slowly takes a long look at the Christmas tree, then back at Lin, then toward the door, the tree, and back at Lin again. "I thought you were trying to go through the window."

Lin makes an angry grumble-roar noise and huffs back over to the tree. She lifts it with a vengeance, nearly throwing it and John across the kitchen. They struggle with the tree and make absolutely no progress in the corner for another thirteen minutes. Mai watches with 0.008 percent amusement.

Zaheer speaks up from where he's been meditating on the counter this whole time. "You must merge with the tree to move it. Let your fingers become pine needles and your feet become roots, and you will therefore find the task more pleasant."

Jade claws her way up out of the deep dark recesses of the tree where she thinks she's helping but is actually making it thirty-three percent more difficult. "I don't see _you_ doing any of the work, you incompetent cauliflower!"

Zaheer pretends he was too deep in meditation to hear that.

Lin and John finally figure out where they should be going and begin the long treacherous journey across the kitchen. Stark follows behind them, painstakingly collecting each and every pine needle by hand, one by one, for reasons only known to him.

Mai's amusement level drops to negative four. "I'm bored," she announces boredly.

Azula is suddenly beside her. "That's 'cause you haven't set the tree on fire yet."

Mai looks at the tree and then back at Azula. Then back at the tree. Back to Azula. "For that I'd need..." They smile creepily at each other. "...a flamethrower."

Azula twitchily jump-flips into the air and Mai catches her and holds her like a gun. Azula starts firebending from her mouth and Mai swings her around like a maniac. The curtains catch fire. The trail of pine needles which Stark was too slow to pick up catches fire. Stark catches fire. And the tree catches fire, which sends John into a panic. He stops, drops, and rolls out the door, leaving everyone else to their doom.

Lin keeps her cool in the (literal) face of the flamethrower. She gives it a solid kick in the nose. Then she smothers the tree and curtains and floor and Stark in sand to put out the fire. _Then_ she stomps out in a rage, leaving the mess for someone else (probably Shawna).

A teeny tiny little stray spark floats down onto Zaheer's boot. An overdramatic huge tsunami wave suddenly washes him away down the hallway until he smacks harshly into a wall. The water seeps away and he gets up with as much dignity as he can. "Thanks, Ming-Hua. I really needed all that to put out a tiny spark," he says sarcastically.

"No problem," Ming-Hua says from her spot creepily perched in the hanging ceiling light.

Zaheer returns to his meditating position atop the counter. Samus walks in, picks up the burnt tree with one hand, and marches it out the door with not a single blackened needle out of place.

"That was the most beautiful tree-merging I have ever seen," Zaheer says.

Samus has absolutely no problem taking the tree out into the woods. Before she expertly throws it over the fence, she says, "Come out of there, Jade."

Jade pokes her head out of the branches. "No. I'm a tree hermit now and you're just gonna have to accept that."

Samus stares. Then she shrugs and tosses the tree over the fence. On her way back she passes by John, who's still rolling around. She has a fleeting thought about how dumb he is. But only for a second 'cause she doesn't have time and energy to waste on insignificant things such as John.

Meanwhile, a bunch of guys lounge in the game room not helping with the chores going on elsewhere at all. Korra and Ghazan play a fighting game. Aeryn and P'Li are obssessing over a gun and discussing man problems. Chiana and Vala are taking a dumb online personality quiz and being obnoxiously loud about it. Toph is picking her nose under the table and flinging it at people to see if anyone notices. They haven't. Lucy and Demona are both trying to use the bean bag chair without touching while never admitting they're secretly enjoying each others silent, evil company.

Missy barrels in through the door without bothering to open it wide enough for herself. "Helloooo everyone. I've come to hide so Shawna doesn't drag me into helping clean up out there." She plops down on the already occupied bean bag chair, ending up on more of Demona than chair.

"Shawna will have to come in here to clean up your blood if you don't get off me," Demona growls. She shoves Missy hard and gets accidentally whacked in the face with an umbrella. Which is Missy's fault, _not_ hers. She throws the umbrella across the room where it smacks into Vala's head and knocks her out. Chiana continues the personality quiz alone.

Missy topples onto Lucy who doesn't waste time with words. She rips Missy's head off and throws it and the body out the door with a giant bang. Shawna was already waiting right there on clean up duty. Demona laughs and Lucy smiles menacingly. Toph thinks the laughter is because they saw her flinging boogers at people and laughs too. Vala gets startled awake.

Korra is too into kicking Ghazan's butt on the game to notice what is going on behind her. "Take that, hah! You have no chance."

Ghazan loses pathetically. "How did I lose _again_!" He throws the controller at Vala's head and knocks her back out.

"Maybe you shouldn't've been Jigglypuff," Korra says.

"You told me that was the most powerful character!" Ghazan says. "That's it, fight me in real life!" He pounds his chest in manly anger and rips his shirt off for good measure.

Korra goes into the Avatar state. "You sure you wanna fight me, bub?"

Ghazan falters. "Well yes, but I think I hear Zaheer calling for a Red Lotus meeting, right P'Li, you hear that? Gotta go!"

"Huh, I don't hear..." P'Li is being dragged out of the room.

"Who dares challenge me next?" Korra says.

Aeryn's gun buddy seems to have left her, so she shrugs and starts sparring with Korra in the middle of the room. Vala wakes up again and ducks under the table with Toph before anything else can hit her in the head. Toph wipes a booger in her hair. Vala doesn't notice.

Ghazan finds Zaheer meditating on the counter. "Hey, let's have a secret Red Lotus meeting."

"Why so sudden?" Zaheer asks.

Ghazan shrugs.

Zaheer shrugs too. "Perfect timing, anyway, I was just thinking up an awesome plan. Gather round."

Ming-Hua and Ghazan gather round. P'Li crosses her arms and stands outside the group.

"Are you coming, P'Li?" Zaheer asks.

"I'm not talking to you," P'Li replies.

"Ooooooh, you did something, didn't you," Ming-Hua says.

"What? No," Zaheer says confused. "What did I do? I didn't do anything."

"You said Samus was the most beautiful tree-merger you've ever seen," P'Li says.

"I didn't mean it like that! You know I think you are the most beautiful tree-merger ever!" Zaheer says.

"Then why did you say it?"

Ghazan and Ming-Hua watch the drama from a distance until Zaheer finally apologizes and P'Li is satisfied.

"Okay, so my plan is..." Zaheer notices Stark walk in to get an applesauce cup from the fridge. "Ahem! Can't you see we're having a secret evil meeting here?"

Stark knocks over the stack of applesauce cups, a few salad dressing bottles, and the entire fridge in his terrified rush to exit the kitchen.

Zaheer gets back to it. "We're gonna kidnap the Avatar."

"Didn't we already try that," Ming-Hua says.

"Yes, but we didn't try it today, so here's what we're gonna do..."

While that's happening, Azula is finally recovering from getting kicked in the nose by Lin, and Mai is just laying under her 'cause she doesn't feel like getting up. "So wasn't setting the tree on fire much more fun than not setting the tree on fire?"

"Yes, it was," Mai agrees. "We should do that again sometime."

They crawl out from where they'd ended up under the kitchen table. The Red Lotus team glares at them silently until they leave the room.

"Maybe next time we'll set someone's hair on fire and watch them run around in a panic and catch everything else on fire, and maybe even burn the whole house down and set the earth ablaze, MUAHAHHAHAHAHAAA!" Azula rants.

Mai just listens and agrees so not to provoke it.

Outside, Jade finally left the crispy tree and has been watching John rolling around for quite a while now. He eventually gets up. "Ah, I think that should do it."

Jade stares at him blankly.

John starts to lecture her on fire safety. Jade leaves after the first sentence. She goes to help Toph with more accurate booger aiming.

Chiana and Vala take over the fighting game, since Korra and Aeryn are sparring. Aeryn kicks Vala in the head by accident and knocks her out. Chiana becomes frustrated at having her game partner knocked out and challenges Aeryn to a fight to the death. Demona and Lucy settle deeper into the bean bag chair to watch.

Then the Red Lotus bursts into the room, unhinging a door. "Get her!" Zaheer says unecessarily. He wind-blasts Korra into the wall. Ming-Hua wraps her up in ice, and Ghazan encases her in a boulder that he brought along. P'Li sets the whole thing on fire.

Before they can do anything else, Lin arrives and body-slams them all into the ground and wraps them up in metal cables. Samus helps drag them away. Korra bursts out of the encasement and leaps out of the room, leaving a hole in the roof.

"That's not fair, we had her! You can't just..." Zaheer's voice slowly fades away...

THE END

PS

Vala did wake up again, but the unhinged door fell on her head and knocked her back out.

Lin and Samus are teaming up to form a woman group 'cause they're actually mature and good at stuff.

Jade and Toph are trying out a new idea of picking each other's noses.

Ghazan is vowing revenge on Korra for making him be Jigglypuff.

Stark is trying to be inconspicuous as he eats applesauce in a corner where everyone can see him.

Chiana is searching for Vala. She doesn't seem to notice the unmoving lump under the game room door.

Zaheer is pondering whether he looks like a cauliflower.

Azula is setting the world ablaze.

Mai is watching from a safe distance.

P'Li is working on her tree-merging to impress Zaheer later.

Aeryn is probably shooting something somewhere.

Ming-Hua is freakishly crouching ontop of the knocked-over fridge.

Korra is declaring her awesomeness from the roof.

Demona and Lucy are pretending their shoulders are not touching as they lounge in the bean bag chair.

John is lecturing thin air on fire safety and digging pine needles out of his ears.

Oh, and Missy is dead.

Shawna is trying to find a way to dispose of the creepy Missy head so guys won't find it and chase her around with it like last time.


End file.
